Compassion
This is the second entry in this series describing what having a great relationship means to me: Trust, Honesty, Loyalty, Respect, Transparency, Compassion, Understanding and Love. Remember, this is about work and a daily renewing commitment.
Compassion has been defined as: “the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and are motivated to relieve that suffering.” I like this definition as it makes Compassion an ACTION word. It’s not just about the acknowledgement of what someone is going through. It is the desire to do something about it. So, what does this look like in a great relationship?
Compassion leads to being of service to your loved one. Let’s look at a common situation: Your spouse has left their dirty socks on the floor, again. Gut reaction - “Grr! I’m not your maid!” Let’s take a deep breath and practice Compassion. David (my husband) hardly ever leaves dirty clothes on the floor, so what happened? What was going with him that caused this behavior? Was his back hurting? Was he exhausted? Was his mind tangled up with some problem? First, I am going to pick up the dirty socks and put them in the laundry basket, but then, without mentioning the socks, I am going to go talk to David and check in on how he’s doing. So, I will be of service by picking up the socks, but I will also be of service by being available if he needs to talk. Now this is a small thing, so it’s not super challenging to practice Compassion here, but imagine applying this when your husband snaps at you about money, when your child shouts “I hate you!”, when your best friend leaves you out of dinner plans, when your brother doesn’t call you back, when your Mom forgets your Anniversary.
These are my great relationships that I and the other person are working on and committed to, so I can have faith that these people would never intentionally hurt me, irritate me, or cause me frustration, so if they do, Why? What’s going on with them that is different, stressful, painful? What can I do to help? How can I show them Compassion?
