Understanding

In a previous post, I wrote about My Relationships and what having a great relationship meant to me: Trust, Honesty, Loyalty, Respect, Transparency, Compassion, Understanding and Love. I am going to work on a series of posts to elaborate on each of those elements. It’s also important to note here that relationships are two way streets. No one can every truly give any of these elements without getting them back in return, so this is about a process. This is about work. This is about a daily renewing commitment.

Understanding is such an inadequate word for what this encompasses for me. It’s about putting myself in someone else’s shoes. Seeing things from their point of view. Learning why they feel what they feel, say what they say, act how they act. It’s about speaking their language. Knowing when and how to best communicate with them, especially for hard conversations. It’s about accepting them as they are. Not trying to change or fix them. It’s about acknowledging that they are not what I think of as “perfect” and that it is not their responsibility to try to be my idea of perfect. It’s about allowing them the space to be in a horrible, grouchy, prickly mood and not take it personally, like everything is about me. It’s about loving what they love solely because they love it, taking an interest in what interests them, giving importance to what is important to them. It’s about recognizing what they need from moment to moment: a shoulder to cry on, a board to bounce ideas off, a quiet presence to vent to, a cheerleader, a screaming fan, a secret keeper, a hang around pal, whatever they need. It’s about realizing that “Wow, you can really push my buttons!” is due to how much you value the harmony between you so when it’s not there, it really stings.

Understanding is about getting to know someone’s good, bad and ugly and loving all of it.